Relational Trauma: Healing the Wounds of Broken Trust

Many people come to therapy because something about their relationships feels painful or confusing. You might find yourself giving too much and feeling drained, or keeping others at arm’s length because closeness feels overwhelming. You may long for connection yet also fear it. These struggles are often not about what is wrong with you — but about what happened to you.

What Is Relational Trauma?

Relational trauma refers to the deep and lasting impact of relationships that were unsafe, neglectful or unpredictable. In childhood, this might include emotional neglect, physical violence or sexual abuse — experiences that teach us that our feelings and needs don’t matter, and that safety and love can’t be relied upon.

When we experience trauma in early relationships, we adapt to help us survive. Instead of learning that our needs will be met, we may learn to hide our feelings, stay constantly alert or take responsibility for the emotions of others. These early adaptations form what are called attachment styles — patterns of relating that continue into adulthood and influence how we connect with partners, friends and colleagues.

Attachment Styles and Relational Patterns

For some, this means becoming enmeshed in relationships — feeling responsible for others, finding it hard to say no or losing a sense of self.

For others, it means avoidance — keeping people at a distance to prevent being hurt.

And for those who have experienced both comfort and fear from the same person, closeness itself can feel dangerous. This is known as disorganised attachment, a pattern often seen in people who have lived through early trauma.

When Adult Relationships Reignite Old Wounds

These patterns can also be shaped and reinforced by experiences in adulthood. Betrayal, abandonment or abuse in close relationships can profoundly disrupt our sense of safety and trust. When a partner lies, cheats, gaslights or mistreats us, it can shake the very foundation of how we see ourselves and others — often leading to self-doubt, confusion and fear of intimacy.

Adult relational trauma, such as psychological or narcissistic abuse, can echo earlier wounds or create new ones. The cycle of idealisation and devaluation that often occurs in such relationships can be deeply confusing — leaving you feeling both attached to and frightened of the person who caused harm.

Healing from this kind of betrayal involves gently rebuilding a sense of safety, learning to trust your perceptions again, to set clear boundaries and to recognise that not all relationships have to be unsafe or controlling.

How Therapy Can Help Heal Relational Trauma

Trauma-informed counselling provides a compassionate, consistent space to begin healing. Within the safety of a therapeutic relationship, it becomes possible to explore old and recent wounds, understand the patterns beneath them and begin to build what’s known as a secure attachment — a way of relating that feels grounded and safe.

In therapy, you may start to notice your emotional responses in relationships and understand where they come from. You might learn how to express your needs safely, hold boundaries without guilt and develop a sense of closeness without losing yourself — and independence without isolation.

Reconnecting With Safety, Trust and Self

Relational trauma affects how we see ourselves and connect with others — but it doesn’t have to define us. Whether your pain stems from early experiences or from relational trauma in adulthood, healing is possible. With the right support, you can rebuild trust, feel safe in relationships again and rediscover that connection can be both nurturing and secure.

If you recognise yourself in any of this and would like support in understanding your patterns of connection, therapy for relational trauma can help you begin that process. I offer a calm, confidential space in Brighton & Hove, where you can explore your experiences at your own pace.

You’re welcome to get in touch to arrange an initial session or to find out more about how counselling and psychotherapy can support your healing.