Reclaiming Your Story: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

When you’ve lived through narcissistic abuse, the story that gets told about you is rarely your own.

The narcissist often begins the tale at the moment you finally lost composure – when you cried, shouted or withdrew – never from where your confidence and spirit had been slowly worn down. They leave out the months or years of quiet erosion that left you doubting yourself and questioning your worth.

Over time, their distortions become part of how you see yourself. You begin to wonder if you really were too emotional or too sensitive, if perhaps you did imagine things or ask for too much. This slow unravelling of self-belief is what keeps many survivors trapped long after the relationship has ended.

The Loss of Self

Abuse of this kind doesn’t always arrive through shouting or obvious cruelty. Often it comes through control disguised as care, or criticism presented as concern. Bit by bit, you stop voicing your opinions and start adapting to keep the peace.

It becomes easier to hide the parts of you that provoke disapproval – the parts that are creative, opinionated or spontaneous. Over time, your world shrinks. You may find yourself withdrawing from hobbies and interests that once brought joy, telling yourself you’ve simply lost motivation. But deep down, something vital has gone quiet.

You might catch yourself saying, “I don’t know who I am anymore,” or “I can’t make simple decisions.” This isn’t weakness – it’s a natural response to long-term emotional control. When your needs have been dismissed again and again, uncertainty becomes safer than authenticity.

Isolation and Disconnection

Many survivors describe feeling cut off from friends and family before they even realised what was happening. It might start with small criticisms – “They don’t really understand you,” or “They’re a bad influence.” Wanting to avoid conflict, you slowly step back from people who could have offered perspective and support.

When the relationship ends, the loneliness can feel unbearable. You may be surrounded by others yet still feel disconnected. It takes time to trust new relationships when your previous ones have been used to control or harm you.

This isolation is compounded by shame – shame for staying, for tolerating unkindness, for not recognising what was happening sooner. But shame belongs to the abuser, not to the person who was doing their best to survive.

The Weight of Shame

Shame is often the quietest yet most painful part of recovery. It tells you that you should have known better, that you somehow invited the mistreatment, that you were complicit in your own harm. It convinces you that you don’t deserve care or understanding.

Yet what you call “losing yourself” was in fact your body and mind doing their best to stay safe. You adapted in order to survive. There is dignity in that.

Bringing this truth into the light – gently, with someone who can hold it without judgement – is what begins to ease the shame. Speaking your experience aloud to a compassionate witness is the start of reclaiming your own reality.

The Therapeutic Relationship: Finding Safety Again

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is not about confronting the person who hurt you. It’s about rebuilding trust in yourself and others. The therapeutic relationship is often the first safe space where that trust can grow.

A trauma-informed therapist offers a different kind of relationship – one grounded in consistency, empathy and authenticity. They listen beyond words, noticing the feelings behind the pauses. They meet your emotions with care rather than criticism. They don’t need you to perform or explain.

In therapy, the steadiness of the relationship helps your nervous system learn that safety and connection can coexist. The therapist’s reliability – showing up, being honest, staying kind – begins to replace fear with trust.

Over time, you start to rediscover your voice, your humour, your curiosity. You begin to feel interest returning in the activities you once loved. These small moments of aliveness are signs that your true self is re-emerging.

Reclaiming Your Life

Healing is not about erasing the past but about reclaiming what was taken from you. You learn that you were never broken, only silenced. You see that the parts of you that withdrew were protecting something precious.

With compassion and time, that protective layer can soften. You start to live again with a sense of freedom, making choices because they feel right, not because you fear the consequences.

You no longer need to carry someone else’s version of who you are. You get to tell your story – clearly, courageously and in your own words.

How I Can Support You

If you recognise yourself in these experiences, please know you don’t have to face recovery alone.

As a therapist, I offer a calm, compassionate and non-judgemental space where you can begin to reconnect with your sense of self, rebuild confidence and rediscover what safety feels like.

Together we can work at your pace, helping you to understand what happened, make sense of your feelings and move towards healing with self-trust and gentleness.

If you would like to explore how counselling might help you after narcissistic or emotional abuse, you’re welcome to get in touch to arrange an initial session or to ask any questions.

You deserve to feel whole, heard and safe again – and that process can begin whenever you are ready.